2/1/17

Learn about life inside the county of Sweet Swine with stories provided by the on-line magazine "Sweet Swine Scoop" Cousin John who won the prestigious magazine in a card game was quoted as saying "Just because you can read about Sweet Swine County on this blog doesn't mean you shouldn't buy my magazine! They can be purchased at Clem's Feed Store! If you can't get there you can read all the stories below, then send me a check!" 

1/1/17

* Eager Citizen-Wannabees Arriving Daily to Take Up Residence at New "Swine Song Commune"

Sweet Swine County resident, Willow Brooks, is elated that bohemian artist-types from around the country are arriving daily to take up residence in her newly formed Swine Song Commune! Willow also heads up the Citizen-Wannabee Committee for the commune. She and a gaggle of commune artists help determine the suitability of wannabee citizens. Brooks said, "Pretty much we're open to anyone who wants to join our community, as long as they are free spirits and into doing their own thing and loving one another and hugging trees and growing herbs. So far, we've had some real winners join us here!"

Sweet Swine Scoop interviewed one of the winners who is:

Lonesome Ron, who recently purchased a cabin on Swine Lake but now has moved it to the Commune. He told Sweet Swine Scoop, "I see this as a great opportunity to work with other believers in the art of yodeling and who like to do it around a campfire!"

Although Sweet Swine County's Poet Lariat, Ronnie Silage, hasn't yet actually moved into Swine Song Commune, when we asked him about having a commune in the county, he told us, "Well, I think it's OK. My grandmother sold her house and moved into a commune -- oh, no, wait! -- that was a condominium. But she loves it. I'll probably love it there, too. If I do move in, my hope is to start up poetry readings where people can be real intelligent and read and write. It wouldn't hurt if they were good at rhyming words, either!"

Look for updates in the The Daily Boar Newspaper and here on the Sweet Swine Scoop about artists moving to Swine Song Commune!

12/28/16

Beware of Falling Bricks at Flat Land High School

Flat Land High School, Sweet Swine County’s only high school, is making plans to shore up its brick walls with more cement and concrete. The high school's former student and County Safety Engineer, Elmer Plow, told Sweet Swine Scoop, "The building is historic and bears some fixing up. Bricks have been falling out primarily because when the the school was built, there was a shortage of masons and cement, so local farmers just stacked the bricks on top each other like Lego blocks. We're paying the price for that now, unfortunately."

“Flat Land High” is home to the sometimes-winning horseshoe team, “Flat Land Prairie Dogs.” Located one mile outside the town of Corn Row, it was built in 1907 when citizens from all over the county donated bricks from their abandoned well houses. The school holds classes every Tuesday and Thursday to prepare students to meet the challenges of life in Sweet Swine County. Many graduates go on to college at Purrdoo University, Sweet Swine County's Institute For Hire Learnin'.

11/6/11

Latest Survey Proves Fashion Trends Seen on KLUK TV Programs Are a Hit!

Sweet Swine County's foremost statistical media research agency--The Mealson Ratings Board--has released a report stating that KLUK TV program hosts rank "off the charts" for their trend-setting fashion sense. The Mealson Ratings Board recently surveyed residents throughout Sweet Swine County about the fashion styles worn by hosts on the popular KLUK programs "Split Hoof Tonight," "The Women of Sweet Swine County," and "The Cockelbur Morning Show." County residents ranked Earl Silo's plaid shirts and seed-corn caps, Cousin John's classic suspenders, and Prairie Ann's "giddy-up-prairie-styled"
couture as being "The Hottest Fashion Trends in Today's Sweet Swine County World." Indeed, residents throughout the county are now seen "copy-catting" these same fashions in their own day-to-day attire, making Sweet Swine County on the whole the most fashion-savvy county around! Sweet Swine Scoop joins in giving kudos to KLUK TV's Wardrobe Department for their inventive designs!

Click on the photos above to see many of these award-winning fashion styles worn by your favorite KLUK TV program hosts!

10/5/11

Sweet Swine County Residents Wonder: Is There a Future for "Mrs. Swanson's Sweets & Eats Catering" Business?






The Daily Boar has learned from a reliable source (Nosey Norma the Waitress) that Mrs. Swanson's Sweets & Eats Catering may be about to go under. Mrs. Swanson was enticed by Ronnie P. Silage to invest every single dollar she had into developing his business brainchild: "HOTDISH ON A STICK"! As reported earlier, the half-baked idea went south, and now word has it that Mrs. Swanson is nearly penniless! When asked about the rumor, Mrs. Swanson scoffed, "You can't keep a good hotdish down!" We hope she's right!

9/23/11

Sweet Swine County Park

The park features farm equipment from all over Sweet Swine County as well as donated works of art including:

Bowling Ball Art

A unknown artist has donated two bowling ball metal sculptors to the park. The sculptors are made from recycled metal and with the bowling balls donated from Cow Pie Bowling Alley, this exhibit truly is a green project and sure to be a draw for tourists from all over Sweet Swine County.

Sweet Swine County Museum & Park Director said "We do not know who donated the sculptors but there has been tourists who have told us about other Bowling Ball People that have been seen in Amboy MN!

Groundskeeper Jack(Leafy)Webber when asked about the sculptors said "Well that's two more things to mow around!

The House of Corn

Sweet Swine County’s most popular tourist destination is in the town of High House at the Sweet Swine County Museum & Park. Boasting, at last count, the foot traffic of over 40 people in the last year! This outhouse is made completely out of corn, and was designed by Sweet Swine County’s own interior designer, Dougie Dougan. Though no longer in working order, it is still is visited by tourist from all over the county!

7/4/11

Earl Silo shares the music video of 'Sanity Said Goodbye To Sweet Swine County,' on Split Hoof Tonight!






















Bruce Bednarchuk--a Redwood Falls, MN composer, arranger, singer and instrumentalist--is a new citizen of Swine Song Commune! Bruce told the The Daily Boar, "After I got to know all the crazy 'characters' in Sweet Swine County, I couldn't help but write this song about them! My song, 'Sanity Said Goodbye To Sweet Swine County,' is a perfect reflection of life in the county! Fortunately, Earl Silo agreed to "host" the music
video. Earl's THE MAN!"

7/1/11

Sergio Ferleone Named New Program Director at KLUK TV!

KLUK TV owner, Cousin John, has signed Sergio Ferleone as the new Program Director at KLUK TV. Ferleone rose to fame as an infomercial producer/director in the 1980s and will bring that experience to bear in programming entertainments for KLUK. Sweet Swine Scoop has learned three new programs are in the works:
"The Housewives of Sweet Swine County" a remake of "So You Want to be a Farm Hand" and "Sweet Swine County's Got Talent."
Mr. Ferleone told Sweet Swine Scoop: "I'm tickled pink to bring these new shows to the tasteful Sweet Swine County audience!"

6/19/11

Famous Country Artist Billy Kruse Sings New #1 Hit "As the Corn Grows" on KLUK TV's "Women of Sweet Swine County"

Billy Kruse--the first super famous country singer to take up residency at Swine Song Commune--wrote "AS THE CORN GROWS"--now a #1 hit on the country chart in Sweet Swine County! You've got to hear it!

6/4/11

John Robert Olson (Cousin John) Named Sweet Swine's Citizen of the Year!


Cousin John, who parlayed his father’s fortune to include KLUK Television & Radio Station, It Will Be Gone Savings & Loan, The Daily Boar Newspaper, Sweet Swine Scoop Magazine, Horse Fly Inn, over 2000 acres of farmland, and the Pluck-'n-Cluck chicken business has been named Sweet Swine's Citizen of the Year.

Following the announcement, when interviewed by Sweet Swine Scoop, Cousin John said, "Well, I have to tell ya that this is a big honor, although I wasn't overly surprised to hear I'd won. At breakfast at Edie's Cafe the other day, I overheard waitress Nosey Norma sayin' that I was slated to be the recipient. She'd picked up the skinny after an evening of "pillow talk" with one of the Citizen of the Year board trustees!"


5/29/11

Lawyer Ed's Private Life EXPOSED by Sweet Swine Scoop

As the youngest of three children of Harold and Ethel, Lawyer Ed grew up in a family that had long been prominent members of society. His father was the senior partner in Mortimer, Mortimer and Snout, the most prestigious (and only) law firm in Sweet Swine County.

In high school, Lawyer Ed hankered after Aunt Ella. She hankered back. The pair was so popular, they won the coveted King and Queen titles at the Senior High Prom. The year book tagged them as, “Most likely to stay together for all time.”

At Flat Land High School, Ed starred in each and every school drama production. To his father's chagrin, Lawyer Ed's drama teacher encouraged that he follow his artistic ambitions upon graduating from high school. Ed rebelled against his father’s wishes that he become a lawyer, and announced that he was heading for Hollywood with his wooden duck, “Quackers” (a gift Aunt Ella gave him) to pursue a career as a ventriloquist.

The marriage so widely prophesied in the high school year book was not to be. Ed and Ella parted ways when Ella, though heart-broken, couldn’t bring herself to leave Sweet Swine County and the farm she loved. Teary-eyed, Ed took off alone for the bright lights of Sunset Strip (Route 66).

After several years of failed auditions and eeking out a living in dark, smoke-filled ventriloquist clubs, Ed (and Quackers) returned to Sweet Swine County--hat in hand--and enrolled in law school at Purrdoo University (PU), where he graduated top of his class of three. Ed became legal counsel for his lost love Aunt Ella, hoping to rekindle their relationship. Unfortunately, she died before much could happen on that front.

To fill the void after the death of Aunt Ella, Ed proposed marriage to anyone he met who had the name, Ella. Several failed Ella-marriages later, Lawyer Ed lives alone with Quackers.

Lawyer Ed now suffers from vision problems, after an unfortunate running-with-scissors accident. One of his eyes was affected--he forgets which one that is. "But one is definitely affected," he tells Sweet Swine Scoop.

In the early 1990s, Lawyer Ed started a highly successful Internet hair-loss club for men called, "The Comb-Over Society." He has attracted such high profile members as Donald Tramp, Bruce Wills and Ted Dancer.

To see all the stories and reality-biting video clips on Lawyer Ed click here


5/5/11

Swine Song Commune's Famous Band "The Lip-Synchers" Begins 5-Town Reunion Tour


Swine Song Commune's most successful band, The Lip-Synchers, is departing on a five-town reunion tour. The band that took Sweet Swine County by storm in the mid-1980s broke up when lead lip-syncher, Buster Jones (The Big Porker), insisted that fellow bandmates accept his girlfriend (Betty Thompson) into the band. After a much-publicized fight ensued over the choice of lip-synching song titles, The Big Porker left the band in a lippy huff to pursue a solo career in Europe. Differences have been ironed out, and all the original Lip-Synchers, including Betty Thompson, are reuniting for this tour. At a recent rehearsal Sweet Swine Scoop noticed that the band members' lips seem to be looser than ever. Tickets at all 5-town venues are selling like hotcakes.

4/15/11

Swine Song Commune's New Resident Composes Theme-Song for Sweet Swine County!

Bruce Bednarchuk--a Redwood Falls, MN composer, arranger, singer and instrumentalist--is a new citizen of Swine Song Commune! Bruce told the The Daily Boar, "After I got to know all the crazy 'characters' in Sweet Swine County, I couldn't help but write this song about them! The lyrics just flowed to me like someone had cast a "hit-song writing spell" on me!"
And a hit it is! Click on the pic above to hear it!
"Sanity Said Goodbye To Sweet Swine County"

4/1/11

Seeks to Attract a Younger Viewing Audience!

In a bid to attract a much younger viewing audience, world-famous media company "Our Story Productions" (in concert with Sweet Swine County's KLUK TV) has aired the first in a series of promotional spots featuring two photogenic young brothers.

KLUK TV Executive Producer, Cousin John, told Sweet Swine Scoop, "I've got to say, even though these brothers are not from Sweet Swine County, I am really impressed by them, and I'm working on a deal to offer them their own show!"

Stay tuned for more breaking news about Cousin John's plans! As everyone in Sweet Swine County knows, he's always up to something!



3/22/11

Chef Randy & Waitress Nosey Norma Exposed As Undercover Reporters for The Daily Boar Newspaper

Sweet Swine Scoop has just discovered from a reliable source that Edie's Cafe cook, Chef Randy, and waitress, Nosey Norma, have long been working as undercover informants for The Daily Boar Newspaper. When interviewed by Sweet Swine Scoop, certain Edie's Cafe patrons said they'd been wondering why Nosey Norma had the tendency to linger just a little too long at each table while she was slinging the hash. For some, it was creating an "uncomfortable feeling." It is reported that Nosey Norma "overhears" diners' conversations, then runs right back to the kitchen and tells Chef Randy what she's heard. In turn, Chef Randy calls The Daily Boar's Hot-Reports Hotline with the info. It is yet to be determined if any cash was paid to the pair for their "work." When asked about the breaking story, Officer Dave was quoted as saying "So, Nosey Norma is spreading gossip, what a surprise!" Cousin John, owner of The Daily Boar, refused to be interviewed for this story feigning that he was "just too danged busy to talk." --source info for this story from Nosey Norma     


3/18/11

Lawyer Ed Currently on Five-City Promotional Tour in Sweet Swine County for His Duckumentary!




Lawyer Ed, currently on a five-city tour throughout Sweet Swine County promoting his Duckumentary, made a guest appearance on The Cocklebur Morning Show. Lawyer Ed's new Duckumentary entitled, “One Duck, One Ventriloquist” explores his life as a lawyer, a philanthropist and, of course, as a ventriloquist. Lawyer Ed successfully defended Elmer Plow in Sweet Swine County's recent Trial of the Century. In remarking on that memorable case, he said, "In no way did the safety kits gifted to court officials by Elmer Plow's mom make a difference in the outcome, though--no matter what the prosecution thought! Safety kits can never be considered bribes. They are for life-saving!" When asked about his new duckumentary slated to air on KLUK TV this month, Lawyer Ed said, "Originally I did a series of audio CDs to instruct people on how to become a ventriloquist, but there were some complaints. Apparently my public wanted to learn more about my technique! So I expanded on this in my duckumentary!" The highlight of his appearance on The Cocklebur Morning Show was when viewers were treated to a clip from his award-winning duckumentary.

3/13/11

Earl Silo Makes A Surprise Appearance on "The Women of Sweet Swine County"

Yesterday, Earl Silo, co-host of KLUK TV's late-night show "Split Hoof Tonight," mistakenly wandered onto the set of The Women of Sweet Swine County while they were filming live. Earl explained his mistake to The Scoop this way, "As I told the ladies, mom said I had better get going or I would be late for the taping of Split Hoof. I was in such a dither while running out the door and putting on my favorite yellow sweatshirt that I didn't notice I'd actually gotten to the KLUK TV studios early. The Women of Sweet Swine County was still being filmed, and I accidentally walked right onto the live set. Shocked the heck outta the women. Sure, I felt a little foolish. It was almost like a Carol Burnett Show out-take. And we all know how much fun those are. So, it ended up OK." (The Scoop noticed lots of eyeball-rolling by the women when we rewatched the tape (attached here).) Afterwards, Prairie Ann commented about the incident, "What can ya say, that's our Earl! Giddy-up!"

2/2/11

Purrdoo University student Ben N Class becomes the latest KLUK TV reporter

 Ben N Class who is a junior at PU in Sweet Swine County and Oinka, Piga, Piga fraternity treasurer has agreed to do some reports outside Sweet Swine. Mr Class told Sweet Swine Scoop: Somehow this summer I ended up as an intern at KLUK TV, yes KLUK TV! I was assigned to follow KLUK TV owner Cousin John around with a pencil and post-it notes so I could write down his every thought! So surprise, surprise when he asked if I would do some reports outside of Sweet Swine County I jumped at the chance!" Look for Ben's reports coming soon!

1/12/11

Senator Takeitall takes a wrong turn!

Will the fall out from Earl Silo's mayoral fundraiser ever end? Now Sweet Swine Scoop has learned when Senator Takeitall attended Earl's event she thought she was at her nephew 5th birthday party! Senator Takeitall told the scoop: "I was running a bit late so when I saw all the cars in front of a cabin on Swine Lake I assumed it was for my nephew birthday party! When a guy came up to me and thanked me for coming I thought he was a stalker! As far as endorsing Mr Silo for mayor of Split Hoof, why would I endorse a stalker?"

1/11/11

Sweet Swine County Parade breaking all attendance records!







All of Sweet Swine County come out for what is said to be the biggest parade in their history!